I asked Jesus to save me 45 years ago, April 5, 1968. I didn't know His real name, but I thought I knew the identity and purpose of the Son of G-d. I was ten years old, and although Scripturally inaccurate, YHWH G-d did see the desire of the heart of this 10 year old. The man that introduced me to my Master, I know, was sharing with me everything he'd been taught and believed to do. I'll never forget the verses he shared with me as we read from my Bible, Romans 5:8; 10:9-10, 13; and Ephesians 2:8-9. I remember the first awkward moment in my decision to follow Messiah was when he asked me to kneel at the couch to ask forgiveness. Now this may sound strange, but there was a bizarre knot in my stomach as I decided to kneel and pray, there with my back to my family, as they watched. It was overwhelming emotion at that time, and it is today, as I type this.
So, the official "confessing Him before men was determined to be the following Sunday at the beginning of the second stanza of the invitation" and the baptism would be the following Sunday evening . . . Do you see where this is heading already? Three girls went forward the next Sunday morning, so there were four of us baptized that evening. I had already gotten in on my first "interpretation debate" as I was a new believer the first Sunday of the month, and that was "communion Sunday." Now, since I had not yet confessed before men or been baptized, there was the question as to whether I was eligible to partake? To be honest, I was just so happy to be a part of G-d's family. I had felt no belonging my entire life and I was so excited to "belong!"
The very next thing I did, in my new walk was start reading where the preacher had left off. I mean I was ready to "Get all Biblical." I hungered and thirsted and I had questions. When do we do the Bible stuff? Where are they doing the Bible stuff? When did G-d change His day off? Ephesians 2:10 particularly stood out to me . . .
The answer I was given, repeatedly was, "Now when you die, you'll go to heaven." Well, great, meanwhile back at the ranch, I'm a ten year old that wants to Do Bible Stuff. What do we "Do?" Now, that you're a Christian, here's what you don't do, and I began to be indoctrinated with the laws of grace. I can't honestly say whether or not I was born again at that time, and simply "failed to thrive" or had placed my faith in a misguided belief system. What I can say is I am so thankful that YHWH G-d is eternal and in His grace, brought me to the place of actually choosing to follow His Son into a relationship with the G-d of Israel.
By the age of twelve, I knew I had a call on my life. I'd heard it! By fourteen, I'd offered something before YHWH that I had no idea the depth, but to this day, I consider it a vow made before Him. By eighteen, however, I'd made some mistakes that were unforgivable by man and religion. I hadn't blasphemed the Holy Spirit, as the denomination I was drowning in, didn't really talk about the power of the Spirit of G-d or the gifts of the Spirit. It was then I was introduced to the dogma of G-d's permissive will. That is basically the Protestant version of purgatory while you're still alive. And so I accepted my denominational sentence and left, but refused to abandon my search. The main hurdle I placed in front of myself was that feeling that I needed to get my life in order and cleaned up before I could "come back." I simply cannot describe the condemnation of the man-made laws of grace. Of course, we've flipped to the other end of the continuum now and if you didn't acquire and amass through the prosperity teaching, you almost have to have been to prison or been an addict to go into ministry . . . At any rate, in my navigation and search for living water, I discovered that stagnate waters were not still waters.
Since a single mom could not be in ministry, my first task to cleaning up my life, was to get married. And married I got, over and over and over again, until I had nearly lost sight of my goal. To this day, I'm so thankful for the Jehovah's Witnesses who ceaselessly knock on doors to discuss Scripture. I don't agree with all their dismissive doctrine, but every time they knocked at my door on Saturday, I got my Bible for a discussion, and ended up spending the rest of Saturday reading and studying. Coincidence? I think not.
I'll never forget the day YHWH put me squarely into the first step of my journey to living water. The kids were doing what they did after school, rummaging for snacks and chatting about the day, when my then husband came home from work. We always had our little ritual of "Hi honey, I'm home." "How was your day?" and the hug and kiss that accompanied that. It was in the embrace in the ear that was not against his neck, that I distinctly heard, "For you have had five husbands and the man you are now with is not your husband." It was clearly a jolt out of the blue, but I knew where I'd read it, before . . . as well as the accuracy it held. Later than night, I got into my old King James Version and read the fourth chapter of John.
I still didn't understand about setting aside the damnation of permissive will, so I read, I cried, and I even asked forgiveness but had no idea where to begin, so, that Sunday I went to church, and didn't want to leave. I mean I literally could see myself using a Sunday School room for sleeping and the baptistery for bathing. I wanted to live in G-d's house! It was the next week, that I discovered the truth. Turns out buildings are not G-d's house . . . not even the synagogue I visited Friday night. The next statement I am about to make, makes absolutely no sense, but yet perfect sense.
There would have been no reason for the TV on the third floor to be on a religious channel, and yet there was obviously this reason. The preacher was reading John 10:10, "The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." It was at that moment I fell on the floor face down and realized in a moment, what I was missing and what I had been seeking. "Permissive will" was the religious tool of the thief that nearly cost me my soul. As I wept and poured out my confession and asked for forgiveness, I heard a voice asking me a very simple and direct question, "Are you willing to lay down everything you think you know, to follow me?" The answer of course, was a resounding, "Yes," even though I had no idea what it meant at that moment.
Now, here it is nearly 20 years later since that upper room experience, and as I've read Scripture and searched the Word, I now realize, the only thing I believe today that I was taught 45 years ago, is Messiah is the Son of G-d, died that I might be forgiven, G-d raised Him from the dead that we might have everlasting life, and is coming again. As for the rest, I'm still learning, but I now know His Name and the Name of the Father, and I know; there's a big difference in knowing about the Bible and knowing the Author.
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