When I told YHWH, I just wanted to "walk the Bible," that is to "live Scripture," I've already stated He protected me from so much. Since that same time, however; I've also found myself right in the middle of parts of Scripture I wasn't thinking of. The Bible is a big book! There are many, many blessings of Biblical proportion our Heavenly Father has bestowed upon me, but there is also the responsibility of Biblical proportion that He has every right to expect out of me.
As a woman who has never walked in much feminine confidence, I got a bit caught up in the idea that being a child of the King, a princess, yet still a servant, life was going to change . . . and it did, but not in the way I was anticipating. I do believe, now, it's turned out much better than I had originally envisioned. There were a lot of tears shed though; behind my rose colored glasses, before removing them.
Somehow, in our culture, the religious and social stand on marriage appeared intertwined until only recently. With equality of marriage, the line has finally been drawn between social and religious standing on the subject. The introduction of marriage licenses, brought two things, the government into the intimate relationship G-d had already ordained and ease of divorce. The ease of divorce is in the legal ease to obtain one, not the emotional pain of enduring and recovering from one. We never needed the government's permission to do what our Creator ordained!
After many failed attempts at marriage before coming to YHWH, and upon coming to Him, I realized an intimate romantic marriage just wasn't in the plans for me. My husband had already moved out, so I did agree to the divorce and he immediately remarried an old flame and they are still living happily ever after. Regardless of what anyone may say, I still remember the day YHWH told me to write my then husband a letter of agreement to his desire of release from the marriage. He responded in three days, with a generous plan to move forward on that idea.
So, all these years later and the spiritual adultery of our nation, it does make sense, having been forgiven of a number of wrong marriages, that I would be called to enter a marriage like Hosea's. Ah, living the Bible . . . reading the fine print . . .
I was finally at the place of not doubting coming out of the mainstream church. For a couple of years, I had literally juggled between Friday evenings at the synagogue and Sunday morning services, with Saturday spent in three Bible studies, but I had moved on in my call to hosting a Friday evening gathering at the Mission and Saturday Bible study and lunch for the neighborhood children. I still liked "doing music" with the Christians, so if someone needed a keyboard player on Sundays, I was available for work. The synagogue had professional Gentile musicians, Friday evening, so I figured it would be all right . . . I was wrong.
I won't bore you with the details that led up to this, but I will assure you, I almost backed out before arriving. I met a pastor who needed a piano player at his little country church. That was something I'd always wanted to do, and membership was not required. In retrospect, I still cannot say if the desires of our heart before becoming a believer are a spiritual seed awaiting our rebirth or a desire of the flesh that we attempt to "sanctify." Moving right along . . .
It was there that I met an angry, belligerent little man, who I felt led to reach out to. He had a new job that was going to have him working on Sundays, so I offered him a card and told him "the Mission" had a Bible study most Friday evenings, so don't lose fellowship. He began coming and so did his church. It turned into quite a gathering, but it seemed all about him, rather than G-d. I was literally praying about disbanning the gathering, as it was disruptive and leaning toward the obvious desire for charismatic "effects." It was then, that YHWH told me I was to marry this guy. I struggled, I argued, and YHWH told me simply, I didn't have to obey . . . So, I asked him to place in me, the love and desire a woman should have for her husband. It would have been so much less painful to have just obeyed . . . There are a number of ways for individuals and nations to be faithless in a relationship and although I do not believe in replacement theology, America should certainly see herself in Scripture, regarding the spiritual adultery and idolatry of ancient Israel.
. . . to be continued
Beautiful.
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